There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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