She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
