THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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