Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
