Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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