I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
