dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
