hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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