so explain again why im purple
no
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Come share oat with me in your robe
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
