I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just pee around me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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