So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
