I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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