I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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