I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
