You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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