I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
