it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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