u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
