please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
