Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
