i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
