There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
