I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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