i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
