sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
