No awkward lesbian experiences without me
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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