They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
