I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
