sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
