My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
