its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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