Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
