So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
