I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
