A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
