Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
