I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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