Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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