omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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