a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
