how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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