so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
