She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
