you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
