Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
