Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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