sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I had to cum in my sink.
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