You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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