everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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