I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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