oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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