I haven't been this sober since birth.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
