i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
