I will die if light touches me.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
