I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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