Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I need water and some morals
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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