I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
