I don't usually arrange sex via text message
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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