I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
