Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
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why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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