I hate your face
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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