Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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