I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
