The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
