My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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