You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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