there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
