The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
