My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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