Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
